Blog: Creating Financial Balance and Partnership in Marriage
Note: This blog post was written by Katelyn, founder of The Freelance CFO, about her personal relationship and experiences with money in marriage.
Talking about money in relationships can feel weird, but itโs something we all have to deal with. And honestly? It can make or break a partnership. After being with my husband for over a decade, Iโve learned a lot about what works, what doesnโt, and how to create a financial dynamic that actually feels good for both people.
This isnโt a โweโve got it all figured outโ kind of story. But I know firsthand how much it helps to hear how other couples manage their finances, so consider this a peek behind the curtain of whatโs worked for us.
Money, Relationships, and Learning What Didnโt Work
Iโve been married before. My first marriage ended by the time I was 22, and while there was no big dramatic fallout, it showed me exactly what I didnโt want in a partnership. Looking back, I realized I had stepped into a parenting role, managing everything from household chores to finances. It wasnโt that he was a bad person, but I was constantly shouldering the mental load, and that wasnโt something I wanted long-term.
When I met my now-husband, I wasnโt looking for anything serious. I was making $27,000 a year in a job that sucked the life out of me, while he was making about $40,000. But six months in, I left that job, landed a much better-paying role, and started out-earning him. And outside of those first six months, I have out-earned him ever since.
He grew up in a more traditional household, but the amazing thing? Heโs never once made me feel weird about our financial dynamic. The person who struggled with it was me.
Unpacking Money Mindsets
I was raised in a household where there werenโt really โmenโsโ or โwomenโsโ roles, everyone did what needed to be done. My dad cooked, my mom worked as a nurse, and they both contributed to everything. But even with that foundation, I had so many ingrained ideas about what financial partnership should look like.
Meanwhile, my husbandโs background leaned more traditional. Our upbringings could have created friction, but instead, they forced us to communicate and figure out what our version of financial balance looked like.
For example, Iโve always prioritized self-careโmassages, solo trips, time to recharge. It took me years to stop feeling guilty about it. But I realized something: he was already showing up in ways that made those things possible for me. He took on tasks that traditionally fall under โwomenโs workโ (aka grocery shopping, meal prep, running the house) so I could focus on my business and my own well-being.
That balance wasnโt something we stumbled into. It happened because we talked about it, checked in regularly, and made adjustments along the way.
Money in Relationships Isnโt About Keeping Score
A lot of people assume financial equality means splitting everything 50/50, but thatโs not how it works for us. We contribute in ways that make sense based on our strengths and needs.
When I spent three weeks in Copenhagen getting a full sleeve tattoo, he handled everything at homeโwatching the dogs, taking care of the house, shoveling snow, all of it. When I got back, he had prepped meals for me because he knows I suck at remembering to eat when Iโm busy.
That wasnโt something I asked him to do. It was just part of how he supports me. And it goes both ways. My way of showing love might look different, but the point is that we both feel valued.
We actually joke that we each think the other one does more. And honestly? Thatโs the kind of balance Iโd wish for anyone.
How We Keep Money Conversations Easy
Talking about finances doesnโt have to be stressful, but avoiding the conversation? Thatโs where problems start. Hereโs what we do to keep things running smoothly:
โข We schedule regular financial check-ins to make sure weโre on the same page about budgeting and goals.
โข Weโre honest about money fears and expectations so thereโs no resentment or confusion.
โข We celebrate financial wins togetherโwhether itโs paying off debt or just sticking to a plan we set.
These conversations are about making sure weโre both supported in the life weโre building together, and NOT about blame or stress.
Prioritizing Each Otherโs Growth
The biggest thing Iโve learned? A strong relationship lets both people growโpersonally, professionally, financially.
โข We support each otherโs independence. Solo travel, time apart, different interestsโit all makes our relationship stronger, not weaker.
โข We divide responsibilities in a way that actually works. No outdated gender roles, just a setup that makes sense for us.
โข We communicate what we need instead of assuming. No oneโs a mind reader, and assuming leads to frustration.
At the end of the day, relationshipsโjust like financesโare about teamwork. And if youโre constantly feeling like youโre doing more or not being supported? Thatโs worth addressing.
The Real Measure of a Supportive Partnership
Thereโs no one right way to manage money in a relationship, but there is a right way for you. The key is making sure both people feel valued, heard, and supported. And, not just financially, but in every way.
If your financial dynamic feels unbalanced, talk about it. Even small shifts, like checking in more often or adjusting how you divide responsibilities, can make a massive difference.
Money will always be part of a relationship. But when you approach it as a team, it stops being a stressor and starts being a tool to build a life you both love.
What About Your Relationship?
Thereโs no one right way to handle money as a couple, but there is a way that works best for you. The key is honest conversations, mutual respect, and a willingness to adapt.
So, how do you and your partner handle finances? Do you have money check-ins? Do you feel supported in your financial goals?
Iโd love to hear your thoughts! Connect with me over on Instagram.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is for educational purposes only and does not constitute financial, legal, or tax advice. Reach out to The Freelance CFO team with any questions regarding specific financial concerns, or seek the services of a qualified adviser.
