Why Asking for Help is Crucial to Your Well-Being
“You need to talk to me when you’re having a tough time or need help. We’re a team, remember?” - my husband, earlier last week.
His words stopped me cold in the middle of a stress-induced, rant/freak out. He’s right, of course. We’re a team, but I rarely act like that’s the case. When I start to feel stressed, anxious, or under any sort of pressure, I double down and rely solely on myself and internalize it all. Causing more stress and anxiety, along with resentment, delayed deliveries, unhappy clients, a cranky Katelyn, and more. Not because my husband isn’t fantastic, supportive, and always trying to help in any way he can-hello scanning hundreds of receipts for my new clients when I onboard them! But because of the tendency I have to not reach out to anyone when I’m under stress, I’m not always a good team member or partner in return. I can be independent, introverted, determined, and stubborn to a fault. The same traits that have driven me to be successful can also be major downfalls. I push people away or go silent at the exact time I’m struggling the most and need to be reaching out, instead.
These feelings of having to go it alone and feeling like I have no one around me to rely on, are old limiting beliefs that rear their ugly head from time to time (normally right about the time I feel I’ve moved past them). I have a husband, family, friends (both entrepreneurial, and not), a team at TFCFO that’s been built over the past few years, and they’re all there to support me both personally and professionally.
But what can be tough for a lot of us is asking for help when we need it, especially as women. There can be shame, guilt, a feeling of not wanting to burden someone else, of feeling the need to push through and just get it done. But all of that is absolute bullshit-which I frequently have to remind myself of, too. We have loved ones around us that want to see us succeed, that want to lend a helping hand when they can, but they may not know you’re struggling, they may not ask if you’re okay.
So practice it with me and say it out loud:
“I need help”
“I’m struggling with (whatever it is)”
“I need a break”
“I feel overwhelmed”
This is your reminder. If you need help, ask for it, even if it’s tough, or you feel guilty, ashamed, or like you don’t want to burden someone with your problems. Life’s too short to not let the people that love you in your life, help you when and where they can. But don’t let yourself give so much that you’re just a dried husk, or that you’re not prioritizing your life and your well being. Balance, boundaries, and helping others when and where you can are important.
It’s also a reminder for all of us to reach out to the people you care about in your life. Ask them if they’re okay, if they need help, how they’re really doing. Remind them you’re there for them, and get a bit pushy or persistent if you need to. I’ve never turned someone away for continuing to be a presence in my life, especially when I’m feeling tapped out or at capacity. When I’m not responding as often is exactly the time I need people around me to not take it personally, and reach out more, with love, and understanding.
And if you need help, even if it’s just a listening ear, I’m here for you. Please reach out.